I'm finding myself at a loss for words and the funny things is, it's okay.

April is finally here. I cannot believe it is month four of twelve. It feels like it should still be December of  2011. So, did anyone get you with a good April Fool’s joke or did you get anyone with one? I’d like to hear them if you did, so just leave a comment down below.
I have to admit, I’ve considered deleting this blog. I never get on anymore and when I do it’s usually to read the other blogs I follow, but tonight I just really had the urge to blog. I knew I wanted to blog, I just didn’t know what about. I had the idea to go back to the blogs I had written in April of 2011 and it’s nice to see what was bothering me or what I was looking forward to a year ago. I only blogged 9 times in the month of April. Can you believe that? Here’s what they were about:

Germany Mission Trip – I had just gotten back from the retreat we had for the trip out at Lake Tenkiller and I was so excited to see what God was going to bring to us on our journey. Such great memories were made out at that lake. 

Things that made me happy – It’s interesting to see the list of 25 things that were making me happy during that time. It was fun to go back and see if those 25 things are still making me happy to this day. 

An earthly father’s love – In this particular blog, my dad was concerned because at that time I was supposed to go to Amsterdam while I was in Europe. That is when he stated to me that “if anything happened to me, he’d spend the rest of his life looking for me overseas.” I still get chills when I think about that and how compassionate and how deep my earthly father’s love is for me. Then when I try to compare his love to my Father God’s love, it’s incomparable. God’s love is my dad’s love for me, times infinity. If you ask me, that’s some pretty amazing love right there. If I get chills just thinking about my earthly father’s love, then how in the world am I supposed to feel about my Father God’s love? A few emotions come to mind: overwhelmed, compassion, thankful. God loves me SO MUCH and I can only briefly understand how he loves me through a small example by my earthly father’s love, what I read in the Bible, how He gave up His ONLY son so that I can have a chance to be with Him someday, and how He shows me His love through His blessings. Isn’t it amazing how many ways God shows us His love for us, yet how often and in how many ways do we show Him our love for Him? 

God moments – God moments (as I like to call them) are instances where God reveals Himself to me in situations where I’m scared, confused, happy, sad, etc. I’ve had these moments several times, but now I sit here and wonder how many times have I had these moments without realizing that they were happening? 

“Once saved, always saved.” – Apparently this was bothering me so much last year, that I felt I had to blog about it. I’m not going to go into detail about this again but if you want my opinion on it, you can click on the title above to read that blog. 

The Royal Wedding – I wasn’t the only one obsessing over this last year, the entire world was. They’re one year anniversary is coming up this month. I wonder what he is going to get her.
I’m really glad I decided not to delete this blog. It was good to look back at me a year ago and see how I’ve changed (good and bad) and see what I need to work on. 

God works in mysterious way and I’ll admit that I’ve been putting Him and my faith on the back burner lately and I don’t like it at all. While I’ve been surrounded by family and by friends, I’ve still felt empty and alone and it’s because I’ve tried to push God away and I can’t do that anymore. I can’t be whole without Him and I don’t understand why I ever thought I could be. I can’t believe I was so selfish and was trying so hard to push Him away. I’m getting everything back on track. No more pushing God away from me. He desperately wants to be in my life and I desperately need and want Him in my life. I just need to find the courage to ask Him to forgive me for ever trying to push Him away. 

If I could ask this, pray for me. Pray I have the courage to face any demons, trials, temptations that are thrown at me and that I can remain solely focused on God and His brilliant and faithful love. Here’s to a new me. A new and better me.
God bless,

P.S. As I writing this a few songs came on Pandora that couldn’t of been more perfect for my “situation”.
Here’s the lyrics that stuck out to me:

So you thought you had to keep this up. All the work that you do. So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough. All the walls you built up are just glass on the outside.
So let 'em fall down. There's freedom waiting in the sound; when you let your walls fall to the ground.We're here now. This is where the healing begins, oh. This is where the healing starts. When you come to where you're broken within, the light meets the dark. The light meets the dark. Afraid to let your secrets out. Everything that you hide. Can come crashing through the door now. But too scared to face all your fear. So you hide but you find. That the shame won't disappear. “Healing Begins” by Tenth Avenue North

All this pain, I wonder if I'll ever find my way.I wonder if my life could really change, at all.
All this earth. Could all that is lost ever be found?Could a garden come up from this ground, at all?You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of dust. You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of us. All around, hope is springing up from this old ground. Out of chaos, life is being found in You…You make me new, You are making me new. You make me new, You are making me new. (making me new.) “Beautiful Things” by Gungor

If you haven’t heard either of these songs, I suggest you go give them a listen. They’re so powerful and they speak for themselves.

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