The Pen

My mother has always told me that she believes that I was born to love, that I basically came out of the womb searching for my "perfect" mate. Some days, I believe this is true. I have always been obsessed with the idea of being in love and being with that someone God created for me. Growing up, I had a new crush every week. I had 3 different "boyfriends" in elementary school but none in middle school. In high school, I would just "talk" to guys, but it never went any further than that. Going to college, for me not only meant that I would start a new life and I could "re-create" myself, but it meant more boys and more opportunities to date. But, oh was I wrong. I figured being at a school that consisted of around 25,000 students and having friends at a local Christian University, I would have been engaged by now. This is something I really struggled with over the holidays. Honestly, I probably know around 15 engaged couples right now. Don't get me wrong I am super excited for them and wish them the best, but in a way I'm also jealous. I believe in some way I have struggled in my relationship with God in this area. I know I'm supposed to give Him the "pen" to my love story, but every time I do start talking to someone, I lose all interest in them. Trust me, I've worked really hard to stay interested in them. I have a good friend, Alicia, who I go to for a lot of advice. She's very wise. Think of a 80 year old in a 21 year olds body. ;) I've told her about this reoccurring "problem" and she seems to agree with my theory of why I do this. It's simply not who God intended me to be with. It's seems though, that every guy I'm interested in doesn't even know who I am. And then guys who I am mildly interested in are interested in me, but I lose interest. I don't understand. Yes, I do think I have a pretty good theory, but sometimes I wonder 'was my brain not programmed the right way during my creation?' Am I not made to be married? I sure hope not, because I have my whole "future wedding" planned out on Pinterest right now...just kidding. Okay, maybe not. I've been your typical girl. Planning my wedding since I was the age of 5. When I was 5, my groom was probably my daddy, but that has changed, of course. An old friend, Alana, and I used to set and talk about who we could see ourselves marrying. Boy, have our ideas changed. Thank goodness for me! I honestly don't see anyone at the end of that isle that I'm walking down. Which isn't necesarilly a bad thing. It just means I'm not sure of who God has for me which isn't bad either, but I have to admit I'm getting a little impatient. For those 'guys' who are reading this, if you are, I'm NOT saying the next guy I date is the guy I want to marry, so don't freak out. Ha. But I'm your typical girl who has marriage on the mind.

I know God has a plan but sometimes it so hard to be patient. Is anyone with me?

In Him,


  1. I'm with you, sister. Completely.

  2. I was exactly where you are, for lots of years. Your smart, beautiful, and have an amazing heart. When it's God's timing, He will send you someone perfect. Until then, enjoy the season God has for you now. It's a beautiful one! Love ya