My mother has always told me that she believes that I was born to love, that I basically came out of the womb searching for my "perfect" mate. Some days, I believe this is true. I have always been obsessed with the idea of being in love and being with that someone God created for me. Growing up, I had a new crush every week. I had 3 different "boyfriends" in elementary school but none in middle school. In high school, I would just "talk" to guys, but it never went any further than that. Going to college, for me not only meant that I would start a new life and I could "re-create" myself, but it meant more boys and more opportunities to date. But, oh was I wrong. I figured being at a school that consisted of around 25,000 students and having friends at a local Christian University, I would have been engaged by now. This is something I really struggled with over the holidays. Honestly, I probably know around 15 engaged couples right now. Don't get me wrong I am super excited for them and wish them the best, but in a way I'm also jealous. I believe in some way I have struggled in my relationship with God in this area. I know I'm supposed to give Him the "pen" to my love story, but every time I do start talking to someone, I lose all interest in them. Trust me, I've worked really hard to stay interested in them. I have a good friend, Alicia, who I go to for a lot of advice. She's very wise. Think of a 80 year old in a 21 year olds body. ;) I've told her about this reoccurring "problem" and she seems to agree with my theory of why I do this. It's simply not who God intended me to be with. It's seems though, that every guy I'm interested in doesn't even know who I am. And then guys who I am mildly interested in are interested in me, but I lose interest. I don't understand. Yes, I do think I have a pretty good theory, but sometimes I wonder 'was my brain not programmed the right way during my creation?' Am I not made to be married? I sure hope not, because I have my whole "future wedding" planned out on Pinterest right now...just kidding. Okay, maybe not. I've been your typical girl. Planning my wedding since I was the age of 5. When I was 5, my groom was probably my daddy, but that has changed, of course. An old friend, Alana, and I used to set and talk about who we could see ourselves marrying. Boy, have our ideas changed. Thank goodness for me! I honestly don't see anyone at the end of that isle that I'm walking down. Which isn't necesarilly a bad thing. It just means I'm not sure of who God has for me which isn't bad either, but I have to admit I'm getting a little impatient. For those 'guys' who are reading this, if you are, I'm NOT saying the next guy I date is the guy I want to marry, so don't freak out. Ha. But I'm your typical girl who has marriage on the mind.
I know God has a plan but sometimes it so hard to be patient. Is anyone with me?